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Maybe if I start writing my essays on my blog, i'd be more productive

... but in the mean time, MEET MY BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY :]

Unfortunately she's at home for the next two weeks until someone drives her down here for me. I'm excited to the MAXXXX. This must be how everyone else in the world felt when they were sixteen years old. haha.  It's a 97 Honda Civic. No power windows, no power locks but i can't complain. Anything is better than the 30 bus and my one hour commute to campus! haha. My mom rocks. 

can'twaitcan'twaitcan'twait!

Everything is Everything

Somewhere along the lines, I lost control. But I'm back now -- or at least trying.  You get what you wish for. Chaos manifested itself in my psyche. People aren't kidding when they say you are your own worst enemy. I've been having battles with myself for awhile now and its starting to surface. 

But out of everything shitty comes something wonderful (haha. maybe). i have an idea for a new project and hopefully it'll help to untangle the webs i've been weaving. 

Please pardon these scattered thoughts. 

i used to not write because there was nothing interesting to say. now i don't even know where to start.

i turned 21 on feb. 1st and, to say the least, has given me plenty of confusing, confusing nights. i get the feeling that mysterious bruises the next will perpetually be a problem, at least at the rate i'm going. danikka and i realized yesterday that this lifestyle of ridiculousness see no end... minus finals week, but followed immediately by CABO SAN LUCAS. yeeeeee! officallyyyyyy excitedddd!

killing time

things are pretty routine for me lately. i need some chaos. i need some inspiration.

The start of something beautiful

i actually went through a lot of drafts of this entry trying to get things right. why? i don't know because out of the 4 of you, only danikka reads this (and i like to think she knows how much i appreciate her). i just wanted to say thank you for an amazing year of friendship. 

yes, a lot of times i'm a bit too sentimental but if there's anything that i've learned in life it is to never, never take people for granted. its been a minute since i've actually been motivated to write anything, but this one is for the 5 pack on our one year anniversary. i never expected those 2 guys i randomly let stay at my house during fire week, or that one fool i met shopping for friends at the bookstore to make such a huge impact on my life. yea, i complain about the vulgar boy talk, the times you don't pay attention to me because of smash, and the fact that you overlook everything me and danikka say but in the end you guys really make san diego worth while. 

cheers to the pack. for more karaoke nights, peeing in the park, bike riding, the worst study sessions ever, getting jose a girlfriend, bbqs, the moistest cake everrrr, and of course for many more mlk jr. weekends at strip clubs in mexico <3

hello again

i've been neglecting my blog. that's not to say i haven't been writing. i figured starting a new year justified starting a new journal, so i've been indulging because this hundred or so pages are screaming for some attention. nothing really anything that thrills me the same way as a blank notebook. nerdy right? 

anyway, winter quarter just started and i have a good feeling about this one. no reason really, just time to take more control academically because i know i'm capable of it. 

hmm. yea.

Christmas Is For Family

Some people say you can't choose your family...

those people have never been 

to the Almendral-Nemenzo-Ver household

did you know there are two different paths that are able to give your brain the signal to smile? smiling for a picture comes from a different place then smiling when you genuinely are happy. i think tonight i'm smiling from the genuine place.

happy holidays everyone!

its 4am

i miss europe

a lot.

that is all. 

tuesday

san francisco for christmas shopping with cecilia. san mateo to drive my mom to dinner. fremont for keith's surprise 21st birthday dinner. then santa cruz to watch tv with sharon and make video posts on facebook for our friends. haha. 

sixteen.

its winterbreak and i have more time on my hands than i know what to do with. today, i spent some time going through my unpublished posts. some of them were purposely unpublished, but some of them i never finished like this 16 facts one. i got tagged on facebook for it over the summer, but i try to avoid writing facebook notes because of the stalkerfeed. so enjoy! (this means you daniel luu! haha jk)

1. my family was going to call me Alexa instead of Maia when I was born. 
2. my brother, sister, and i were all born on the first of the month. (april, january, and february) AND i have a half sister and cousin with the same birthday as me. 
3. as of december 2008, my writing has been published :)
4. i've been to 9 countries (as in actually traveled them, not just stopovers) and its not enough yet!
5. i've shaken hands with two former presidents. One was Clinton when my mom and I waited for hours outside of his book signing on Telegraph in Berkeley. He's really pink. The second one was Corazon Aquino, the first female president of the Philippines. It was a monumentous moment for be because at the time (6th grade) she was my hero. haha
6. i used to sing... in sophomore year of high school i won first place in the district solo competition for classical voice.. and i was part of the 4 person ensemble that sang the national anthem at graduation. 
7. i HAVE to spin my plate before i start eating. i have no idea why, its pretty OCD of me. 
8. for the past three weeks i've only been using spoons to eat, no forks. again, i don't know why. 
9. i eat really ridiculously slow because my family does... i feel like i'm starting to sound like a fat kid with all these facts about eating habits. 
10. as i get older i get more and more annoyed with running late for things. i'm definitely in the wrong ethnicity for a pet peeve like this one since filipinos are always late.
11. 95% of the time i knock out immediately when my head hits the pillow.. and i don't move at all when i sleep most times.. and i recently found out that i snore!  ahhhh. (sorry dan. haha) 
12. a lot of details about my family's life has been shared in my mom's monthly column, then eventually as an entire chapter in her book. its weird cuz when i'm at book/magazine events with my mom, she'll introduce me as her youngest daughter and people will respond "oh are you Maia? i raised my kids on the beatles too" or other random facts like that. 
13. i used to spend almost every thanksgiving in Eugene, Oregon with my (ex) step-dad's parents. 
14. i went through a stage in like 5th grade where i didn't think blonde people really existed. haha. but now i live in la jolla and i know they really do. 
15. i'm really, really sentimental especially when it comes to my friends. i remember little details really well and most of the time i write about them in my diary. haha
16. a lot of times i'm a wimp when it comes to my career plans. when people ask me "oh, what do you want to do with urban studies and planning?" i tend to give them whatever answer i think they want to hear (i.e. policy planning, architecture, etc.) but i'm slowly getting over that weird fear. what i really want to do is work with an NGO or the united nations on their millennium development goals, especially in the education sector. 

finals epiphany, fall 08.

i'm from the suburbs and if you've ever seen the opening credits to the show Weeds, you should know that shit is genius. Neighbors mow their lawns, get their coffee, and go to work crisp, clean, and synchronized perfectly framing the dreadful monotony of suburbia. by season 3 or something they add a spin by changing the theme song every episode to different genres of music (jazz, classical, latin, reggae) to imply that perhaps there is something different (and there is, duh! its what the entire show is about). fucking genius i tell you!

well, san leandro wasn't exactly on the same level as the neighborhood in weeds, but all suburbs harness this idealization of the American dream -- safety, nuclear families, station wagons, children, dogs. you get the picture. 

and even though i grew up there, i was always aware that i lived in an unconventional household on the outside of the white-picket fence lifestyle. this created this huge contradiction for me. by unconventional household, its more than my single parent household, what i'm referring to is the exchange of ideas happening in our home. even from elementary school, every idea i brought home was constantly challenged. i guess in a way i grew up trained to question "the norm."i remember there was a time when i really wanted those glow in the dark block things you always saw on infomercials and i'd beg my mom for them every single day until one day i was bombarded with questions from my sister, mom, and brother. "why do you want those? is it because it seems like everyone has them? if you don't get them, does that change who you are? would your friends see you differently? will you be happier with them than you would without them?" i was then told if i had an answer to these questions, then my mom would be happy to buy the blocks for me. i was six years old, i never said a word about those blocks again -- but it taught me to ask why. 

this reminds me of a conversation i had with my brother when i started high school. his point was that getting an A, at least in an area like ours where the public school system SUCKS, was all about how well you could parrot off your teacher's answers. it was rarely based on any critical thinking, in fact most teachers got annoyed if you questioned them. 

the failure of our public education system is that 99% of classes teach kids what to think, not how to think. 

but i'm guilty of falling into this trap. i was an overachiever in high school.. doing what it took for a good grade so i could graduate on the honor roll and go to a good university. it meant i was successful right? i memorized everything from the periodic table of elements to the preamble of the bill of rights so i could ace that test, none of which i can remember now. 

like i said, this kind of thinking created a big contradiction in me. here i am at this prestigious university, totally unmotivated to cram for my cog sci final tomorrow. i mean, i have the concepts. i can tell you what mu rhythms and mirror neurons have to do with autistic children, i just need to memorize what proteins connect to what receptor to reach action potential or some shit. i'll admit i don't have the best transcript and tonight i finally realized its not cuz i'm lazy or too dumb for this school. its because i'm unwilling to pretend i learned shit just to get the grade. its because i know that whatever my transcript looks like after four years in this place, it is not a reflection of how intelligent i am, nor will it foreshadow how successful i'll be. so in conclusion, fuck you cog sci final. i'm going to do research on immigration policies instead and analyze which one would work best in the united states. sucka!

Never Will I Ever

NEVER WILL I EVER TAKE 3 CLASSES AGAIN! especially if i'm taking only two for a grade. i most definitely should have known better. i can only work under pressure, otherwise i don't work at all. this quarter was so easy that i just got lazy and now i'm doing badly. UGH! i suck at school and at times like this i wonder wtf i'm doing here in the first place!

but not really. 

either stand tall or just sit the fuck down

- "double trouble" the roots ft. mos def

currently on repeat: Things Fall Apart by The Roots. 

soooo sick. i've been reading the lyrics like they were poetry.

i haven't heard a record this good since like.... the miseducation. haha

really though. its beautiful, listen now!

Can somebody please....

... tell me how a walmart worker could be trampled to death by greedy shoppers on black friday. wtf is wrong with people? And i'm willing to bet that when the morning newspapers came there were more people who looked to see which stores had the best sales than read about the attacks in mumbai. 

ignorance is bliss!

no no no no!

we went to an indie club in the city last night and almost didn't get in because the guy knew we had been drinking. i tried to pinky promise him that i hadn't, but he just told us "No more drinking for you!" I wonder how he knew......

hahahaha

five random thoughts

1. when i google "maia almendral" the first five pages that come up are: the programs abroad office, kp core, peer counseling, spaces, and my facebook. haha. 
   
2. i've been home since tuesday night. i get to wear jackets, wake up to the sound of rain, and live luxuriously with two-ply toilet paper. life is good!
3. yesterday, after missing the freeway entrance approximately four times, i drove home from the city for the first time in my life. in heels. 
4. i have a nine page research paper due on monday morning. 
5. i asked sharon to change the password to my facebook so that i could stop procrastinating, but of course the first thing i do is write a blog instead. 

november again.

I can't remember what it felt like when November ended without the weight it carries now. it burns the same way it used to. and sometimes everything is as real as the moment it happened. and i can feel us being forced to grow up just a little bit faster after that announcement over the intercom.. when it didn't matter if you were a prep, a jock, or one of those guys at the end of c-hall because we all felt it the same. I keep telling myself that maybe this year it wouldn't happen that way, that it'll be easier... and really, in the larger scheme of things, it is, but there are still those moments where I can remember everything so clearly, and its always when i least expect it.  

last year it happened the night of his birthday. i was sitting in my room in geneva hall writing a paper when a stream of images flashed through my head:my seat in chemistry. the walk down the hallway. standing silently in the quad. everyone by burger king [each image getting more detailed as they progressed]. hesperian blvd. the little table infront of his house. all the shoes in the doorway. his soft spoken father. the sound of his mother's sobs from upstairs. the christmas tree in the corner they kept all year round [by this point i lose all composure and melt, in tears, to the floor of my dorm room alone, but i continue to allow myself to remember]. the viewing. his casket. nate's speech. his sisters and the the brother that looked just like him. the smell of the room. the lump in my throat and that hollow part inside of me i was suddenly very aware of. that monday. the wreaths. his mom [this one replays again, and again, and again]. the sun at the end of it all. the walk back in the heels that hurt too much. lunch at mc donalds like we used to do. just the crew, like it used to be. the fever. the release.  

there are certain events in each of our lives that help shape us into the person we are today. sometimes they are not easy to admit to. sometimes we'd rather forget. sometimes they help us measure how we've grown. and sometimes they teach us, year after year, about everything we have to be thankful for.

“If you want this, we can make it happen.” These words belong to my mother and I have always known them to be true, even before she spoke them last February. They ring in my ear at every crossroad I have met along my journey through life especially in the last few months. I value them more than anything she has ever said to me because of everything she didn’t say. These words carry the weight of our family’s past. Humbling moments that could have easily turned our family into the same statistic it seemed everyone expected to see.

            When we immigrated to California from the Philippines twenty years ago the odds were against us. My mother was a single woman with three young children escaping every comfort she knew to start fresh in a new country. She was either completely out of her mind, or completely driven. Lucky for us it was the latter. 

 A book launch, a research scholarship, three kids in three countries, and uncompromising love and support. Now, as we celebrate our 20th anniversary of coming to America, I couldn't be more proud of my family.

[my sister, bruce lee's son, and me during our first christmas in the States]