two in a day!

because procrastination is my favorite.

this morning, on the way to school i was listening to some sd talk radio and kanye west was the special guest of the week. they were talking to him about love lockdown and how its not like any other songs out right now. he explained that he does goes in whatever direction his creative energies lead him. then he said something that really stuck with me all day. we're born with all this creativity and self esteem running through us naturally, which society does its best to take away from us and then we spend the rest of our lives trying to buy back that self esteem. 

i feel like mary poppins

i'm taking care of my niece and nephew for the next few weeks. they're bathed, fed, happy, and asleep for the night so i finally had time to take a shower and start thinking about the paper proposal that's due tomorrow morning. how do mom's do it? the kids have already decided that my life as a college student is boring. "homework on the weekends? staying up past eleven to write a paper? the paper isn't about your summer vacation? you don't have slides and swings at your school? you don't get a carnival on halloween? you at least get to wear a costume, right?" they also decided that after they graduate high school they're just going to start over in preschool again. if only it were that easy.

Why I Love Danikka

Upon leaving Yardhouse on friday night after her first public drinking experience in America as a 21 year old, Danikka begins talking (really loudly) to a 65 year old man in the elevator

Danikka: HI EVERYBODY!

(everyone in the elevator smiles awkwardly)

Me: Its her 21st birthday

Danikka: AND I'M DRRRRRUNK.

Old Man: I can see that. Well, happy birthday young lady

Danikka: THANKS. WE'RE FRIENDS NOW. YOU'RE MY FRIEND.

hahahhahahaha i'm smiling as i write this in the library. happy birthday again my love <3

Monday, monday

Today I realized that I work 25 hours a week and only go to school 10.

Mondays are my relatively easy days. I finished class at three, people-watched on library walk with Jose for about an hour, then jumped on the bus to UTC. At the mall, Steve found me and offered me a ride home. It was close to 80 degrees out and i was wearing heels so I was pretty freaking thankful. Seeing him again makes me really miss hanging out with those guys + geneva girls and all the good times we had during first year. It also reminds me of how fortunate i've been with the friendships i've made. 

I got home around 5 and had a very productive evening. Let me list it out for you

Accomplishments:

1. Cleaned bathroom countertop 
2. Cleaned toilet
3. Took out trash & recycling
4. Unloaded dishwasher 
5. Cleaned my room
6. Did laundry 
7. Researched plane tickets
8. Craigslisted (still looking for a car)
9. Pin boards
10. Create monthly calendars complete with borders :)
11. filled out voter re-registration forms (Deadline to register to vote in CA is October 20th)

Did not Accomplish:

1. Reading for Cog sci, Poli, or Ethnic Studies = FML!

Post Secret

So true, especially after this weekend in Long Beach for Alex's birthday. Non stop korean barbeque and cadillac margaritas followed by doing serious damage at Irvine Spectrum and me struggling to get through 20 pages of reading. But its hard to feel guilty when it feels so good. ha!

Forgiveness

My father's letters arrived from the Philippines with illegible words sprawled across hallmark cards. he always ended up writing more then he anticipated, obvious because the pages were always out of order. they told of his years in the province as a guerilla fighter - highlights of his life because our time together, or lack thereof, did not allow for stories over the dinner table. his words were always heartbreakingly poetic, Isabella of my dreams, he'd greet me in his salutations. he always used the names that no one called me and when I was younger. that was the most special part. The letters used to come more frequently, as did the phone calls, but those stopped too. funny because when I was little I was always eager to hear from him, this mysterious figure in my life.

"Dad" and its synonyms have always seemed foreign to my tongue. it triggers no sentimental value in my heart. this is not to say that i'm left with some hollowness inside of me. i did not struggle with his absence, instead I was shaped by it. That space in a little girls heart that daddy's are supposed to occupy was never an issue because I was fortunate enough to have a family that played that role for me. I was forced to learn lessons that he never could have taught me. no better, no worse, just different. In that sense, his absence carries the same value to me as my mother's presence, so when asked if I have found it in me to forgive him (the question plaguing my mind as of late), I have no answer. his absence has never been a matter of forgiveness, rather a fact.

*sigh*

Finding a car is just as hard as finding a boyfriend. feel me? probably not cuz everybody has a car. shit.

i miss summer already. i'm totally not in school mode, but i can't afford to let this quarter kick my ass like the last one did. in other news, lupe this friday!! and then *que Warren G* off to LBC for Aleh's birthday. yeeeeee